I’m a living jerk, and happy to be one or the etymological dictionary of jerks! André Hardellet used to say “I have received, in my life, several lessons in manners when I wanted to express my point of view, but those who gave them to me, knew even less how to live, or how to live well, than I did, which comforted me”, hence the expression “the straw and the beam”. I think it’s a bit crazy to talk about oneself and say I’m an jerk, but why don’t you tell me, after all, we’re all more or less someone’s jerk, aren’t we? The difficulty is to be able to recognize and accept oneself, believe me it’s a very hard job to do on oneself, I’m in a good position to tell you about it. However, to get a good result, you have to be a bit jerk to start with or else you have to review your basics. Except of course, when it’s a joke, telling someone you’re a jerk for fun is cute, but to call yourself a jerk, to assert it or even better, to claim it without being registered in a jerk club is really not stupid. Coluche used to say “Looking jerk may be useful but being one would be easier. “However, before going any further I would like to translate the word “con” into English, because it’s not as simple as in French where the word con evokes an abstract meaning in non-figurative, except for the Toulouse people, so in English we say “Jerk”. That’s in case an English translates the article, beware if my friend Google translates the word con by asshole or stupid it’s really not that, beware of counterfeits, there are jerks who do not deserve to be. I agree that there are several degrees in jerkiness (conitude), is a trope I just invented for this occasion, and why not, yes of course I can. Namely that when you’re a jerk, you have to allow yourself some privileges, there are jerks who invented inclusive scriptures, for me, it’s reassuring to know that I’m one of those inventive jerks.
Unfortunately these dozens of lines that will follow are not translatable into a language other than French, an excellent opportunity to start your French language learning. “Donc, pour commencer, disons qu’il y a les petits cons, mais aussi les grands cons, les consœurs et confrères ce sont des cons qui ne savent pas quoi faire, il y a les sales cons, les consanguins ce sont majoritairement des bénévoles, il y a aussi les concentrés, les conservateurs mal conseillés ce sont ceux qui cultivent leur connerie et qu’ils la conservent, les contemplateurs mais aussi, il y a des contemporains qui ont des idées controversées convaincues que les conservatoires sont des lieux de connivence pour les concubins et les cons qui binent des concerts sur le continent, alors que c’est bien le contraire. Je pense à ceux qui en font leur métier, exemples les concessionnaires, les conchyliculteurs très contrariés qui ont un problème de convulsion congénital et qui refusent d’être confondus avec les cuniculteurs sans oublié bien sûr les contrevenants congrus conduisant des bagnoles peu convenables. On constate également qu’il y a des lieux banals comme le congrès des confessionnal qui sont des entreprises des concussions exerçant sciemment leur prévarication sans être connectée sur les comptes des concupiscents convenus bien constipés, confessant et souffrant des hémorroïdes. Il y a aussi des concours pour ceux qui ne veulent pas faire partie des cons, ô combien ils prétendent être des compatriotes alors ils sont des complices des mauvais comptables condescendants. Sans oublier bien entendue les consentants ces sont des consommateurs compétents sur des moules pas fraîches, et il y a les incontournables qui valent le détour ces sont des contadins condescendants conçu selon les conseils des concitoyens arrogants. Me concernant je suis un peu confus et convaincu sans perdre la bataille que, contempler la vie et ces petits plaisirs est un concept qui n’est pas réservé qu’aux vieux cons, car ces derniers savent bien qu’il leur reste moins de temps pour jouer au con.”
Experiencing the doldrums in a hospital! I continue my article by making an act of contrition if my words have upset you, indeed many people register on my site every day, if they do not register out of curiosity, then it is to receive a warning that there is a new article that has just been published on the site. However, since the publication of my article “Wednesday morning news but not for children”, registrations have stopped altogether. To bring to residency by the Net surfers since this day not a single new inscription. I have reached an age where I find a certain maturity and I realize that I have spent more time of my life than the time I have left to live. There are the eternal optimists who think that there is another life after death, I’m only asking for that, but to believe it I have to meet the idiot who went for a walk and came back. Without making blasphemy, for the moment, I’m content with life’s little pleasures. However, while watching or listening to the news, I realize that there are idiots who want to wage wars, idiots who are driven out of their homes living in misery and precariousness. How can we get rid of these images that we are shown, unfortunate idiots without food and shelter, when I live in comfort and opulence. How can we help these idiots so that they can regain their dignity, like most human beings they only wish to have a roof over their heads and live in peace.
Nirvana didn’t work, whether I’m the little mosquito or not, we’re all very fragile creatures, so I’ve been experimenting recently, as I almost lost my right leg using a machine without following the safety rules to the letter. So I ran to the hospital where the doctor wanted to operate on me urgently and then the doctor recommended that I go to a specialized hospital the next day to treat my paws. I arrived first at the appointment and at the time I was told, but I ended up being served last. I said to myself, listen Mosquito, there’s no need to get angry when you see that everyone passes you in front, it’s normal, you’re an old mosquito, and those who pass you in front must be in more pain than you are. It’s also a bit my fault, because when they asked me how I was hurting on a scale from one to ten, I answered 10 and a half. I didn’t know it was a test, maybe if I had been a little smarter I could have answered, fifty or seventy out of ten and then maybe I could have passed in the middle of the other patients, in short, that day I learned something. Well, I’ve got nothing to hide, there’s a jerk who came to tell me he was going to give me a local anesthetic, without putting me to sleep completely, and I answered placidly, let’s go. That day, even though I was fasting for the operation and therefore hadn’t swallowed any liquid since the day before, I had one of those cravings to pee, in fact after having let myself spread out on a stretcher for an hour and a quarter in a cold room, I was consoling myself alone by saying to myself mosquito, it’s to protect you from decomposition. They put a catheter on my left leg and a small shirt as a sex-cover, I had only one desire, to finish up and go pee. What I didn’t know was that the adventure was just beginning, because after a small local ultrasound under the armpits to find the vein to be pricked for my anesthesia, I was picked up after about twenty minutes, to be taken to the pool table. Guess what they had put the TV right in front of me so I could watch a movie and have a good time while some jerk was cutting my right leg. I even had a choice of movie, and among the ones I was offered, my choice fell on Star Wars. So the doctor arrives, you can’t see his head, hidden behind his mask, probably he didn’t want to be bisque by someone, he just had glasses on which they stuck binoculars, he doesn’t talk to me, as soon as he touches my arm, I say aie, he asks me if I felt something, I answer, but how? But of course. He calls back cocaine addict who tells me in turn that nirvana didn’t work and that he was going to give me a general anesthetic, that is the solution he didn’t want to give me at first. Michel Audiard used to say “in life what is serious is not so much being stupid. It’s to stay stupid”. So he put a second catheter on my left leg, you see the collection, one on the back of my hand and the other on my arm, yes, because I had to find room where there was room. Me, I said yes anyway in the position I was in, I didn’t have much choice because at that time I was ready to give my body to science given the number of discharges I signed at the entrance office. But don’t worry mosquito it’s going to go, it’s almost over, you’re going to be able to pee, so he injects me through the second catheter, a huge amount of the stuff, supposed to knock me out to start the operation. The container went into the muscle instead of going into the veins, which caused me terrible pain in my arm. He comes back five minutes later to find it had failed, and he says, you’re not sleeping? I answer, no, I’m only halfway through the film, I’m not going to fall asleep there. That’s when I really pissed them off, they ended up bombarding my right leg with a lot of anesthetic shots to finish it off, otherwise I was going to ask them to play the film again.
A depressed idiot suffering ten and a half out of ten, after this small operation that lasted the time of a film when normally it should not exceed twenty, I became aware that in life we must be careful and that a simple boubou can turn into a nightmare. Like going for a little trip in a boat not very far from the coast, the weather can’t guarantee sunny sailing during the whole trip, going for a little ride, but no guaranteed return. What annoyed me the most in this hospital was how the nursing staff lived their lives normally, telling their friends aloud about their weekend ribouldingue to their friends, revealing plans for the evening, as if you couldn’t hear any of their trinkets, while you were waiting your turn like a depressed jerk suffering ten and a half out of ten. All’s well that ends well with a tendon reconstructed, bones re-positioned, I’m waiting for the regrowth of the nails pulled out with self-mockery, hoping that my salutary experience will help you be careful. It is a great joy to wake up every morning and be healthy avoiding places like this famous hospital.
I leave you with a big hug.